Okay, it's dawned on me that Plan A kinda sucked so I have a Plan B.
(My neighbor said that saying things like I'm going to be a new person tomorrow makes me bi-polar and that I need help, but we're going to ignore her for now.)
In Plan B, I am going to become a new person tomorrow.
I'm going to wake up every morning at 7AM. I'm going to take a ten mile bike ride. I'm going to come home and flip pancakes for the kids and wake everyone up with sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows.
I'm going to work for a bit on the computer while they play.
Then, I'm going to cook a nice hearty dinner of meat and potatoes, but I'm not going to eat it because I'm going to live on carrots and hummus and kale (It's part of the new me.)
Then, when fall comes, I'm going to send the kids to school where their intellectual curiosity will die and they will be diagnosed with ADHD or ADD or nature deprivation disorder or something. Labels don't really matter; what's important is that they get a Ritalin prescription.
Then, I'm going to steal their Ritalin everyday because I'll need it while I work full time and go to law school and never sleep and generally embrace a totally average hegemonic boring lifestyle.
And those are the broad strokes of Plan B. Two days ago I was considering becoming an alcoholic/novelist so this might even be better.