A long time ago, I realized I was the only person in the room comfortable with making dead kid jokes. Right now, I'm the only person in the room with three large and unexplained purple ink spots on her ass. However, I'd rather these unexplained inky ass spots to the time I thought the fat girl in the cubicle next to me was stinky and then realized that I had unexplained human crap on my shoe that I must have trod in at home.
You may remember about a year ago that I posted something about how I didn't have friends for the two years we lived in the suburbs and how I was just starting to make them. A year later, a have a healthy cache of friends and a larger group of friendly contacts, and I have noticed that I hear one sentiment over and over. Over and over, I hear, "you're the only one I've ever said that too" or "you're the only one I can talk to about that."
I'm not sure why this happens. It can't be because I'm nice because as covered previously, I am not. It can't be because I'm not judgmental because I am. So it must happen because I am the one with purple ink on her ass and crap on her shoes.
I don't know if I can effect any meaningful large scale change in the world so I've decided that this is it... I want to see a world where people can freely express their grief at accidentally buying a dildo that was a shade larger than their husband, where people can freely share their fantasies about accidentally running over their weird kid, where people can freely share their stories about getting knocked up by a Mexican twice their age, or whatever they current secret is.
So share, share freely because it's amusing.... (and possibly insightful or stress reducing or something that exists on a higher plain than amusement but amusement is good too).
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Post-Odious-Spew
Because yesterday, I vomited a bunch of odious spew onto this blog, I thought I would say some nice things, and since I have been doing yoga, taking homeopathics for my crabbiness, and doing other peaceful shit, I reckon I can say some nice things.....
Boy two spent all of his $60 of birthday money on food (lunch at perkins, two cakes, brown sauce from the cupboard and some candy). This isn't a new thing because he frequently spends his money on sausages or other food stuffs. The remarkable thing is that he shared everything that he bought. Lunch at perkins included his lunch, boy three's lunch, a chai for me, and a $5 tip for the waitress, and the rest of the items were shared freely between his brother's. He's a sweet kid.
Boy one, although he can be the most annoying of the lot of them, is also the most consistently helpful, and he's smart which always goes a long way in my book.... Family Guy is pretty inappropriate for an 8 year old, but when he says things like "God was really mad in that episode. It was like Egypt, ya know the Moses story" and then proceeds to list the plagues, I can look the other way from the inappropriateness of the show, and it's kind of fun to hang out and watch it together because there are references that he gets that I don't, ones that I get that he doesn't ...
Boy three.... well the youngest always has the mother's blessing, but he woke me up too early so I've only had 4.5 hours of sleep, and he smells like poop so we'll just say something nice about him another day.
The man says that people with the "my kid's an honor student cheerleader basketball superstar boy scout prom queen with mid level management potential" or whatever bumper stickers are all wrong. He says if he had a bumper sticker, it would say, "My kids make me fucking laugh." And for once, the man and I agree.
Boy two spent all of his $60 of birthday money on food (lunch at perkins, two cakes, brown sauce from the cupboard and some candy). This isn't a new thing because he frequently spends his money on sausages or other food stuffs. The remarkable thing is that he shared everything that he bought. Lunch at perkins included his lunch, boy three's lunch, a chai for me, and a $5 tip for the waitress, and the rest of the items were shared freely between his brother's. He's a sweet kid.
Boy one, although he can be the most annoying of the lot of them, is also the most consistently helpful, and he's smart which always goes a long way in my book.... Family Guy is pretty inappropriate for an 8 year old, but when he says things like "God was really mad in that episode. It was like Egypt, ya know the Moses story" and then proceeds to list the plagues, I can look the other way from the inappropriateness of the show, and it's kind of fun to hang out and watch it together because there are references that he gets that I don't, ones that I get that he doesn't ...
Boy three.... well the youngest always has the mother's blessing, but he woke me up too early so I've only had 4.5 hours of sleep, and he smells like poop so we'll just say something nice about him another day.
The man says that people with the "my kid's an honor student cheerleader basketball superstar boy scout prom queen with mid level management potential" or whatever bumper stickers are all wrong. He says if he had a bumper sticker, it would say, "My kids make me fucking laugh." And for once, the man and I agree.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I Hate My Kids
These boys are being totally odious (that's my new word... OED says it means hateful or repulsive... so thanks to the boy's who have warranted its constant use for today).
I just told boy one that I would pay him $1 to hang the clothes on the clothesline because I'm busy, and he's cash hungry. Then, boy two who shrinks away from most work decided to stop watching his documentary and get involved in the laundry. Laundry fight ensued which ended with boy two cutting my clothesline in half with his new multi-tool.
That being said, I hate working from home, and I hate that when the work is good and I feel compelled to stop everything and work because I get paid per word, and when the articles are such that my wage goes from an average of $15 an hour to $40 an hour, I gotta make hay and ignore. Really, couldn't they find something to do? I'm not picky.... just a few minutes ago, they were seeing if lighting vodka on fire in a pan of wax would create a fire that would melt the wax... that seems more constructive than cutting the clothesline of a woman who doesn't have a fucking dryer.
Annoying little jerk faces they are.
Next week is spring break, I'm going to pray that our house is full of public school kids who will keep boredom and crabbiness at bay.
Venting done. I feel so much better.
I just told boy one that I would pay him $1 to hang the clothes on the clothesline because I'm busy, and he's cash hungry. Then, boy two who shrinks away from most work decided to stop watching his documentary and get involved in the laundry. Laundry fight ensued which ended with boy two cutting my clothesline in half with his new multi-tool.
That being said, I hate working from home, and I hate that when the work is good and I feel compelled to stop everything and work because I get paid per word, and when the articles are such that my wage goes from an average of $15 an hour to $40 an hour, I gotta make hay and ignore. Really, couldn't they find something to do? I'm not picky.... just a few minutes ago, they were seeing if lighting vodka on fire in a pan of wax would create a fire that would melt the wax... that seems more constructive than cutting the clothesline of a woman who doesn't have a fucking dryer.
Annoying little jerk faces they are.
Next week is spring break, I'm going to pray that our house is full of public school kids who will keep boredom and crabbiness at bay.
Venting done. I feel so much better.
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