"Johnny stared at a grape all day" is an expression that I stole from a comedian whose name I can't remember, and it refers to the phenomena of people who talk about their kids and how awesome they are all the day, thus boring their interlocutors. Whenever I think I am talking about my kids too much, I cut myself off and say, "Johnny stared at a grape all day" and I really wish the phrase would catch on.
I was talking to my neighbor's caretaker the other day, and she said, "Well, Joshy is three next month. One to twenty in English. One to ten in Spanish and almost the whole alphabet."
I really couldn't figure out how to respond, but the comments that popped to mind in order are as follows:
A) What's the point of memorizing numbers and letters when your brain isn't ready to comprehend quantity and phonemes. Why not memorize something cool like a Johnny Cash song?
B) Oh, well maybe he'll avoid becoming dumb and fat like you.
C) Uhh, my six year old can almost do that, my three year old definitely can't, but I'm still sure they're smarter than your kid anyway.
D) I haven't enrolled my kids in the meritocracy, but if I had, I would love to give you their stats.
A though D didn't seem polite, and the older I get the better I get at not letting my thoughts flow straight out of my mouth (I still haven't totally mastered that skill though) so I pitched my voice an octave higher and went with E,
E) Oh, that's so great. Wow.
So, the next time, you pull a "Johnny stared at a grape all day" (and we've all done it, I'm sure) and someone responds with "Oh, that's so great. wow" you can be assured that they probably really don't give a damn.